


Trapped

by havenoclue



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Romance, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-12 03:39:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7919101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havenoclue/pseuds/havenoclue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto trapped in this impossible relationship with Sasuke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic. I wrote it in 2007 and already completed way before the manga finished. This is the first time I post it here. I hope you guys going to like it. 
> 
> English is not my first language so if there are many mistakes, I'm really sorry.

A/N:

Before we get into the story, I really feel that I should warn you about several things. In this fanfic, Sasuke – after defeated Orochimaru – went looking for Itachi by himself so there will be no Karin, Suigetsu or Juugo. I also did a lot of changes here and there to simplify things so I can get on with my own story line. 

Many many thanks to my beta, getayaoilover, who was willing to spare her time to correct and edit my writing. Thank you so much! I owe you big time.

 

**Chapter 1**

It had been going on for almost a year and Naruto didn't know how much longer he could stand it, how much longer his conscience would allow it. Unfortunately, conscience and desire were not exactly walking in the same direction. Sasuke only need to give him one glance, one smirk, or one touch, and he would comply to anything that he asked him to do. Whether it was a mere spar or what usually took place... sex.

They would fuck each other's brain out crazily like there was no tomorrow and it would feel good... real good... but after that excitement died down, nothing was left but an empty feeling. At least, that was how the blond felt. Their intense coupling was filled with hisses, whimpers, groans, moans, growls, and screams, but not once... not even once... had Sasuke ever called out his name. Naruto, who was not willing to suffer from any embarrassment even though his pride was not as big as the raven, decided to follow his lead. He also suppressed himself from calling out his best friend's name in ecstasy.

In Naruto's mind, not able to express ones feelings during sex was bad enough but that was not the worst part. Watching your lover leave your bed as soon as the sex was over and give you nothing but a peck was. That was the moment when the pain hit you hard and hurt you deeply.

But it didn't change the fact that here he was, again, trapped in one of those lustful-loveless nights of sex with Uchiha Sasuke. Naruto realized that it wouldn't be any different from before but he couldn't help himself. When those long pale fingers traced along his spine, making delightful arousing motions, he embraced them eagerly.

"Ahh..."

Soon Sasuke's lips joined those fingers. They were trailing his back with hundreds of butterfly kisses; teasing and toying with him, forcing a moan out of his mouth.

"Oooh..."

The kiss on his moist skin gradually became harder and deeper. Naruto not only felt lips but also tongue and teeth. They lingered at the little crook between his back and his ass; kissing, licking and biting. Naruto had to bite the pillow beneath him to hold this insane urge to groan Sasuke's name. Desperately, he whimpered under the other man's touch.

Sasuke's right hand began to move lower, touched the back of his right thigh before it slipped between his legs, stroking the inner soft skin skillfully. His mouth was also moving lower. With the tip of his tongue he lined out Naruto's ass crack, made the blue eyed shinobi clench his stomach muscle and again let out another whimper.

"Shh...shit..."

Naruto was already on the edge of losing his control. Sasuke's touches always made him loose his mind. He wished Sasuke would just get on with it and fulfill their hunger before he did something stupid like declare his undying love for him.

Heaven must have heard his prayers or his body gesture was easily read by Sasuke because said man abruptly stopped his movement and whispered, "Turn around."

Naruto did and found himself face to face with Sasuke. Black eyes stared deeply into blue ones, and Naruto shuddered when he saw the raw hunger in those eyes. How he wished that he was able to see other feelings there, but who was he trying to fool here other than himself? At least Sasuke wanted him as much as he wanted Sasuke

The last Uchiha had lowered his body so both of their arousal touched. It felt so good; it made them shut their eyes and hiss their pleasure at the same time. But clearly, it was not enough. Greedily, Naruto wrapped his legs around Sasuke's hips, pinned the raven down even more before creating a blissful friction that made them moan louder and louder.

Naruto caught Sasuke's face between his hands, pulled him down impatiently and kissed the hell out of him while rocking his hips faster. Sasuke's growl was muffled by Naruto's mouth and it got the blond - if possible - even more turned on. The kiss got so harsh, it was borderline brutal, Naruto could almost taste blood. God help him... but Sasuke always... always made him loose control.

Sasuke forcefully broke the kiss then reached out his right hand toward the table beside the bed to get a small vial. Naruto unwrapped his legs so Sasuke could kneel down between his wide open limbs. Urgently he put clear liquid on his palm and coating three fingers with it, he grabbed Naruto's left leg and put it on his right shoulder before gently inserting his index finger inside the tight passage. He drew his finger out then thrust it back deeper, he aimed for the right spot, as his left hand stroked Naruto's right thigh.

"F-fuckk..."

Sasuke inserted a second finger and Naruto whimpered even more. Frantically, he was moving his hips back and forth, in an inviting way. He got what he wanted, Sasuke added another finger and thrust deeply, again those fingers brushed his prostate.

"AHH!" Naruto screamed.

The screams got louder when at last Sasuke pulled out his fingers and replace it with his fully erect shaft. This time Sasuke screamed too. He grabbed Naruto's right leg and put it on his left shoulder, opened him up even more, then he began to thrust.

It was shallow, it was deep, it was slow, it was fast, it was gentle, it was harsh, it was everything and Naruto was close to madness. He was drowning deep in this pleasure and Sasuke was in no different state. Together they moaned... groaned… grunted… whimpered... anything but cried out each other's name.

Sasuke moved Naruto's legs from his shoulders and made them circle his waist instead as he bend over to claim his lips and plunge deeper and faster. Naruto buried his hands in his black as night hair and deepened the kiss. His tongue was shoving in and out of the raven's mouth, matching the rhythm of said man's hips.

The pleasure became unbearable for both of them and they knew that they were almost at their end. Sasuke abruptly ripped his mouth away from Naruto's and got back on his knees. He grabbed the blond's ass in his hands, lifted said man's lower body a bit above the bed before hammering into him furiously.

"Ahh... ahh... ahh... AHH!"

Naruto was climaxing so hard he felt like he would faint any minute, while Sasuke finished mere seconds after him, he collapsed on top of Naruto's body. Both were trying to catch their breath while Naruto gently stroked Sasuke's back with the tips of his fingers.

Sasuke's body became rigid under that caring touch and started to move away from Naruto's. Usually Naruto would let him but this time he didn't, the blond seized his wrist tightly and Sasuke who was clearly surprised by his friend's behavior gave him a questioning look.

"Stay... please..."

Still the sharingan user said nothing; he just kept staring at Naruto's blue eyes that were staring right back at his own.

_He's not going to do it..._

But to Naruto's surprise, Sasuke did stay, he lied down beside Naruto even though his body was still very tense. Slowly Naruto was letting Sasuke's wrist go and moved closer to him. He welcomed the warm sensation that his body felt when their skin touched.

_This is nice..._

Then he snuggled even more and put his head on Sasuke's right shoulder. He wished Sasuke would circle his arms around him and cuddle him but Naruto knew better. The fact that Sasuke stayed was enough for him... at least for now.

Therefore he didn't care if he had to do the work himself. If Sasuke didn't want to cuddle him then he would. And that was exactly what Naruto did, he threw his arm across Sasuke's well tone muscled chest and held him tight.

_Mmh... very nice indeed..._

Sasuke looked down at the yellow head that rested on his shoulder, at the tanned arm that held him close, and he had to admit to himself that it felt good. Gradually he relaxed and was ready to return any affection that Naruto showed toward him when something snapped in his mind.

_I don't deserve this!_

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's wrist and pushed him aside before he get on his feet. Hurriedly he collected his clothes that were scattered all over the room and put them on as fast as he could.

"Teme! What the..."

"I can't do this!" Sasuke cut Naruto's words sharply before letting himself out of Naruto's apartment.

Naruto let out a long sigh as the familiar pain began to strike him.

_This is hopeless..._

**-TBC-**


	2. Chapter 2

Once again, thanks to my beta, getayaoilover. You're a life savior!

**Chapter 2**

Sasuke was furious, the rage that he felt inside was burning him alive and he knew he had to let it out. But how exactly do you let it out? Do you get angry with yourself? Curse yourself? Punch yourself in the face?Take your own life? Sasuke brushed that last question out of his mind. He might have done many stupid things in his life but he was not a coward, thank you very much. As he let out a long sigh, his mind flew in to the past.

_Itachi was dead, killed by his hands just like he wanted it. But Sasuke was not in a good condition either. He was lying on the ground, severely injured and dying from blood loss. The raven really thought that he was going to die that day and he didn't give a damn about it. He even thought it was for the best. Let this bad blood between brothers finish here once and for all._

_At the time, Sasuke had been yearning to feel something that would fill the void in his heart since the massacre of his clan. He was willing to grasp at anything that would indicate he had done the right thing by killing the culprit. Except those feelings never came. Suddenly Kakashi's words that were said to him at the day he left Konoha filled his mind._

_'Even if you do succeed in getting revenge, the only thing that remains is emptiness.'_

_As much as Sasuke hated to admit it, Kakashi's words had proven right. No satisfaction, no fulfillment whatsoever. It was emptiness and emptiness alone. And what a price he had to pay to achieve the worthlessness. Not only had he given up his honor and his dignity, but he also given up his village, his friends, and his best friend._

_Slowly consciousness left Sasuke as his eyelids got heavier and heavier. The last thing he saw before darkness over took him completely was a glimpse of blond and pink hair._

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

Naruto was enraged. Once again he had let Sasuke rip his heart out and get away with it. Sometimes he felt that he had had enough of this madness… this obsession… this foolishness… and all he wanted to do was run away from Sasuke and get on with his life. But he just couldn't do it he cared for that man too much. As he covered his eyes with the back of his right hand, Naruto's mind dashed in to the past.

_They had been trying to track down Sasuke. But it wasn't an easy task, even though their team consisted of Hatake Kakashi and his pack of nindogs, plus the former Team Eight – Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba, and Aburame Shino – who has a first class tracking ability. The big blast caused by Deidara's self-destruct action a day before had wiped down every valuable trace, luckily Kiba managed to pick up Sasuke's faint scent._

_Naruto, as impatiently as ever, along with Haruno Sakura, directly ran into the direction that was pointed by Kiba. They couldn't care less of Kakashi's warning to stay calm. How could he stay composed when he knew Sasuke was there somewhere within his reach? So the blond ran and ran, he pursued the one person who had been continuously on his mind for the last three years._

Sasuke… this time for sure I will bring you home.

_"Naruto! Stop!"_

_Kiba's hand had grasped his shoulder so abruptly, it startled Naruto and stopped him dead on his tracks._

_"Kiba, what the…?"_

_"I smell blood," hissed Kiba. "Hinata!"_

_"Byakugan!"_

_It only took seconds for Hinata to activate her blood-limit and to confirm the situation up front but for Naruto those seconds felt like an eternity._

_"There are two bodies. One's dead and the other still alive. But his chakra is very very weak."_

_Naruto never thought that he could know such fear, but for the first time ever he was really terrified._

What if…? NO! He can't be!

_Naruto ran. He ran like his life depended on it with Sakura closely trailing behind him._

_It only took one glance to understand what had happened. The Uchiha Sibling battle had finally taken place and the result of that clash was not a pleasant sight. The reek of fresh blood filled the air. Itachi's battered and lifeless body was slumped against a tree whilst Sasuke's heavily wounded body was lying on the ground. His face and lips were so pale you could see the bluish veins beneath. His torn shirt no longer white but dark red instead. As red as the cloud pattern on Itachi's Akatsuki robe that was sprawled near Sasuke's feet._

_"Sasuke!"_

_"Sasuke-kun!"_

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

_Konoha had never felt so far away before. It seemed like he'd been running forever while carrying Sasuke's unconscious body on his back._

_It was true that Sakura managed to stop the bleeding and took other precautions measures but nevertheless Sasuke's life was still in a very dangerous state and Naruto needed to get to Konoha as soon as possible. Tsunade-baachan would know what to do and then everything would be okay._

Hang in there, Teme! Don't die on me now. We're going home.

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

_The next time Sasuke opened his eyes, everything looked so white. The ceiling, the walls, the curtains, the blanket that covered his body, everything was white. The familiar stench of disinfectant hit his nostrils; it made him realize exactly where he was._

Hospital.

_And then he saw him; he appeared so out of place yet so right. Yellow against white, the vividness struck his eyes. Dozed off on a chair, Naruto's blond head lounged on the side of the very same bed that Sasuke had slept on._

So it wasn't a hallucination after all…

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

_"Uchiha Sasuke," said Tsunade in a very firm voice as she sat behind the big desk of her office in the Hokage Tower. Standing two steps behind her was her personal aide, Shizune and her bodyguard, Namiashi Raidou. At the other side of the room, Morino Ibiki, Mitarashi Anko, Shiranui Genma, and Hatake Kakashi, were standing in a single straight line. Sasuke himself stood in the very center of the Hokage's office. "You left this village, abandoned your duty as a Konoha shinobi, joined forces with Konoha's enemy, which attacked Konoha and caused the death of the Sandaime Hokage, endangered the life of your comrade shinobis, and all of this for nothing but a very selfish personal vendetta. Do you have anything to say against these matters?"_

This is it. Time to end it all; he's not going to deny any of those things that were accused against him. Mainly because all she said was true. He's been selfish, he's been reckless, and he's been stupid. He's been blinded by his obsession to kill Itachi, and to achieve that he's shamelessly put his revenge above honor, above duty, and above friendship. So it's time to pay.

_"I won't deny anything, Hokage-sama. I plead guilty as charged. I'll accept whatever punishment that Konoha will give me."_

_Tsunade nodded her head slightly before declaring her judgment, "Uchiha Sasuke, you will be put under ANBU surveillance for 12 months starting today. You are forbidden to leave Konoha's grounds for 12 months for whatever reasons. You'll be allowed to continue your duty as a Konoha Genin, accomplishing only D-rank missions within the Konoha village. In 12 months time there will be an evaluation. If the result is satisfactory, then you will be allowed to take the Chuunin Exam and be given missions outside Konoha. Still under surveillance, of course. You have any objections?"_

_At that very moment shame that Sasuke never experienced before hit him hard. Suddenly Sasuke felt very small, very unworthy. Here he was standing before the people who represented the village that he had betrayed and they still gave him a second chance, and offered him forgiveness. Something that he felt he didn't deserve at all._

_"No objection, Hokage-sama," said Sasuke as he lowered his head. "Thank you."_

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

_"WHAT? D-rank missions for a whole year?" screamed Naruto. "Okay, let's go, we need to see Tsunade-baachan right away. This is too much."_

_Sasuke seized Naruto's wrist to stop him before uttering one word in a very stern voice, "Don't."_

_"B-but, Teme! It's for Konohas own good too! We need you outside the village to kick some bad guy's ass, not walking the Daimyo's daughter's dog."_

_Sasuke's left eye twitched a little when he heard Naruto speak of kicking bad guy's ass but he very much doubted that Naruto noticed it. "Usuratonkachi, I've committed treason. I should be executed."_

_"No way! What you have done was not…"_

_"It was," Sasuke cut it. "D-rank missions for a year is a very small price to pay. I should have paid it with my life instead."_

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

_"Sasuke-kun, you've got to stop this."_

_Sasuke's black eyes looked straight into Sakura's green ones but not for long. There was too much compassion in there and he was never good at dealing with that kind of emotion. He would welcome resentment, anger or hatred. He knew those feeling. But kindness, affection, gentleness, or God forbid… pity, he just couldn't deal with those._

_"I don't know what you're talking about."_

_"I think you do. You turned your back on us. Please don't do that, we're still your friends, you know."_

_She was right of course. He did seclude himself from everybody but it was for the best. They didn't need him in their social circle anyway and he had this huge debt to pay toward Konoha. Right now, he was nothing but a tool that Konoha could use anyway they liked. He would do anything that his village asked him to do no matter how small, how ridiculous or how dangerous it would be. He simply had no time to indulge himself. He needed to pay this debt._

_Without saying anything Sasuke started to walk away, leaving the pink haired kunoichi behind. However Sakura refused to give in so easily. She followed the sharingan user and tapped gently on his shoulder, forcing him to stop and turn around._

_"If you ever change your mind, you know where to find us. Believe it or not, we all really missed you here."_

Yeah, right.

_"Hn."_

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

_"Your ass is mine, Teme!" yelled Naruto as he shoved his right leg toward Sasuke's back in one powerful kick. Gracefully, Sasuke turned his body and defended himself from that attack with a simple touch of his left hand at the same time as his right hand drove a potent strike. The blue eyed shinobi jumped backwards and landed half crouching on the ground, stance ready for another attack._

_"Dream on, Usuratonkachi," said Sasuke, lips outlined in his trademark smirk. He as well got ready for another attack._

_"Oh, believe me it's going to be as real as it can get! Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"_

_Thousands of Naruto clones filled the practice ground, circling their prey with eyes full of enthusiasm. Sasuke stayed composed in his spot, calmly molding his chakra to counter this attack. Naruto's bunshins were something that he was familiar with. He's been fighting them since he was twelve years old; he could surely still handle them now._

_Sasuke never intended to play favoritism but, either Naruto was too dense to be aware of his efforts to be out-of-the-way of everyone's path or he just simply pretended that he didn't know, the super-cheerful Ninja always managed to seek Sasuke out and force him to spend some time with him. Surprisingly though, Sasuke didn't find it annoying. On the contrary he found Naruto's presence, to some extent, comforting. Gradually, their sparring became something that he yearned for, something that he needed to kill the lack of excitement that he felt from accomplishing those D-rank missions. Thus Naruto become the only person that still existed in the Uchiha prodigy's social circle for the past one year._

_There was a bluish chakra gushing out from Sasuke's body as he struck the first hundreds of Naruto's bushins with his Chidori. The second blow hit even more clones and it seemed that the next strike would be the last. It was._

Clones Mission: Cleared. Next target: Usuratonkachi.

_Sasuke looked around but he couldn't see Naruto anywhere. However, after countless sparring sessions between them, Sasuke had a pretty good hunch where Naruto would be. The black haired shinobi unsheathed his long thin blade and flooded the sharp metal with his chakra before thrusting it in the ground. The earth beneath cracked with a loud noise. Something that looked like a flash of orange jumped out between the cracks then headed straight toward Sasuke. The blonde's fist was just inches away from the raven's chin, but clearly the punch was not fast enough. Sasuke seized Naruto's wrist and then in one swift move twisted the arm and held it firmly behind Naruto's back. Adding the pressure of his hand behind said back, Sasuke shoved Naruto's body forward against his so they were chest to chest now._

_"Who got whose ass now, Usuratonkachi?"_

_Maybe it was the ass metaphor; maybe it was the way the sun caressed Naruto's hair, it made the blond hair appear so much brighter than usual; maybe it was the ridiculously beautiful blue eyes; maybe it was the naughty grin; maybe it was the whiskers; maybe it was the adrenaline that rushed through out their bodies, or maybe it was that hidden lust between them that had finally decided to erupt._

_No matter what the reason was, at the time Sasuke only knew that he wanted this man in front of him so badly, it hurt._

_Suddenly, everything was changed between them, all initiated by a none-too-gentle kiss._

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

Sasuke growled at the memory of that first kiss that started all this madness. But he had no one to blame but himself. He was the one who initiated the kiss, he was the one who crossed the line, he was the one who let himself surrender to raw desire. All ignited by that very same kiss, while Naruto… Oh Dear God… Naruto had submitted to every single thing he wished for without caring for any consequences.

Sasuke never meant for it to go this far, or this deep. He thought of it as a mistake, as one of those things that happened based on nothing but lust and hormones. But then he found himself aching for Naruto's warm body. One thing led to another and then sex became a 'regular activity.'

It seemed harmless at the beginning. They satisfied each other's hunger and there was no emotion involved. But something started to happen along the way and Sasuke couldn't say that he didn't see it coming.

Naruto wanted more. Even though the blue eyed blond never said it to his face - apart from the after-sex-cuddly-action that took place several hours ago, he could feel it from Naruto's touch, could see it from the way Naruto looked at him. He knew he had to put this dangerous game to a stop at some point, before somebody got hurt. But when unholy thoughts of a certain firm backside and gorgeous torso struck his mind…. Oh God those images would drive him crazy and in the end he would surrender to his desire. Hence he cruelly pretended that he didn't see the longing in the blonde's eyes, which begged for more than just physical pleasure, pretended that he didn't see the pain in those blue eyes every time he left his bed without a touch of gentleness and continuously kept coming and taking and taking…

_Sasuke, you're a heartless bastard!_

Sasuke slammed the small table beside his bed hard, letting out his frustration. This situation he had with Naruto was outrageous and it was his entire fault.

_No more! This has got to stop!_

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

Naruto groaned at the memory of that first kiss that started all this madness. It wasn't the greatest kiss, a little bit too harsh for his taste, but still it was pure magic. The same thing applies with all the sex they shared. It was magic that never failed to stun him, never failed to trap him even deeper to Sasuke's charm, and never failed to make him feel so dumb for he knew it would only hurt him in the end, yet he still embraced it. Heaven knows, when it comes to Sasuke he was weak. And he didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

Naruto grasped onto the blanket that covered his body tightly. This situation he had with Sasuke was despicable and it happened because he was too weak.

_No more! This has got to stop!_

 

**\- TBC -**


	3. Chapter 3

"Sasuke is avoiding me," said Naruto out of the blue.

"Yeah, right!" mocked Inuzuka Kiba as he turned his head towards Akimichi Choji who was sitting beside the pineapple-shaped head jounin, Nara Shikamaru, who was lying down on the ground while gazing at the clear blue sky beside the big guy. Both of them clearly didn't share his amusement about the remark that Naruto just let out. On the contrary, Shikamaru and Choji looked at him like he had done something really really bad. Since when was laughing at their blond friend considered a crime? Hell, the four of them were best friends ever since Iruka Sensei punished them by sticking a leaf on each of their foreheads. Laughing at each others idiocy was definitely a big part of their friendship. So, technically he didn't do anything wrong, right?

Wrong.

One glance at Naruto's state at that moment and the hunter-nin realized that he indeed had made a mistake. As weird as it might look, the super-cheerful jounin seemed so lack of spirit whilst his blue eyes appeared so sad and troubled. The last time Naruto looked this gloomy was when that Uchiha bastard left Konoha. But they already left that bad memory behind them seeing as the prodigy son had returned. And even though Naruto never came clean with them about his 'special' relationship with Sasuke, they - heck, make that half of the village - knew that there was way way more going on between those two beside being sparring partners. That fact alone should make Naruto's statement earlier sound insane. Especially since for the past two years that I-don't-need-anybody-so-leave-me-alone Uchiha had secluded himself from the rest of the village except Naruto. Kiba would like to think - for his friend's sake - that Naruto really was just joking around. However, his expression told another story.

"You're being serious," said Kiba in an entirely different tone of voice - no trace of mocking this time - although he still hoped a haughty grin would emerge on his friend's face. Then said friend would shout, 'Gotcha!' at him any second now.

Naruto nodded as Kiba swore inwardly.

"Are you sure, Naruto?" asked Choji.

Naruto let out a sigh before saying, "The last time I saw him was three weeks ago. I've gone to his place he wasn't there. I've checked the training ground he wasn't there either. I even looked for him at that deserted Uchiha Compound. No trace of him."

"Have you checked the mission room?" asked Shikamaru. "Maybe he's on a mission."

"Of course!" shouted Kiba, his heart once again filled by hope. "Sasuke is a chuunin now and Hokage-sama already lifted the ban of leaving the village. So, he certainly is on a mission."

"That was the first thing I checked," revealed the blue-eyed jounin as he let out a sad smile. "He's not on any mission. Iruka Sensei himselfconfirmed that."

Kiba clenched his fist, undoubtedly annoyed at the fact that Sasuke really was avoiding his best friend. That ungrateful bastard! But he'll be damned if he wasn't going to at least make an effort to cheer Naruto up. "Well, I don't know if it'll help, but welcome to the club, man!"

Naruto chuckled. "Let's have a drink to celebrate it!"

"Good to know you still got your sense of humor," responded Kiba as he got on his feet and reached out his hand towards Naruto. "Let's get drunk!"

The blonde's laugh at the moment wouldn't fool anybody let alone his best friends. But at least for a couple of hours they would try their damnedest to make him forget. Nothing-beat alcohol and being with a bunch of your closest friend to ease this kind of pain.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Three weeks of brooding was long enough, even for one Uchiha Sasuke.

He had come to a decision that he very much intended to carry out and nothing could change his mind. Not even tears in certain blue eyes.

He had made him cry once when they fought at the Valley of the End, but Naruto was a mere 12-year-old genin at that time. Surely, a 17-year-old jounin would have much more restraint. But even if the worst occurred and he did make him cry again, Sasuke would not give in.

For the sake of Konoha, Naruto and himself, it must be done.

_Tomorrow, it would be over._

_Tomorrow._

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Everybody who knows him knew that Uzumaki Naruto was bad at giving up.

He had spent three years looking for Sasuke once, so these unbearable three weeks was nothing. He found him then and he certainly would find him again now.

Well… tomorrow.

Yeah, tomorrow for sure, after this headache and hang-over washed out of his system.

And then, he would tell him. No more secrets, no more games.

_Tomorrow, everything would be revealed._

_Tomorrow._

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"So, you finally decided to come out of your hiding place."

"Hn."

"Care to let me know the reason you've been avoiding me, teme?"

"Other than I just want to avoid you, usuratonkachi?"

Eyes flickered. "Yeah, other than that, bastard."

"I'm bored."

"Of this relationship?"

"Of this fling. Never thought you've considered it more than that, dobe."

Teeth gritted.

"Funny, usually a _fling_ doesn't last for a year, jerk."

"There, one more reason to end it. It's time to find a new fling, don't you think so, dumb ass?"

Fists clenched

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Away from you."

Face paled.

"I haven't finished talking to you."

"There's nothing more to talk about."

"Oh, there is. And you will listen."

"Like hell I will."

Lips trembled.

"Sasuke, I-"

"Don't. Say. A. Word."

"You have to listen, I-"

" _Don't_."

Heart broke.

**-TBC-**


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks had passed since that day and Sasuke couldn't say that he felt much better. In fact, he felt worse.

Images of Naruto stuck on his mind like a spider web. Not a minute passed by without him thinking about the blonde's pale face… or his trembling lips… or the pain that flashed in those blue eyes. They were occupying his mind 24/7. He wasn't even safe from those unpleasant memories when he slept since they were continuously barging into his dreams.

Guilt was a bitch.

However, Sasuke will not let this feeling take control of his life. Yes, he had acted like a cold-blooded bastard. Yes, he had hurt Naruto badly for the umpteenth time. But it was all for the best and someday Naruto would realize that and thank him for it.

He did the right thing.

Letting out a long sigh, the raven closed his eyes while his fingers formed seals in top speed. As the bluish chakra gushed out from his hands, the chuunin jumped upward and attacked the various targets that were surrounding him. The zapping sounds filled the air as Sasuke's chidori hit the boards. Well, most of them.

_Damn it!_

Fist furiously slammed the untouched mark. He was 'the' Uchiha Sasuke, he had killed two members of Akatsuki, hence missing one target, in particular an unmoving one, was unacceptable! Rage and embarrassment filled his heart like venom.

But misery refused to leave him yet as merely a second later, images of trembling lips, unshed tears, and clenched fist attacked his conscience again and again. Guilt was eating him alive.

Anger and shame mixed with guilt were never a good combination. For Sasuke, they were too much. Ruthlessly they brought the young Uchiha down to his knees and forced him to face reality in the harshest of ways.

_Goddamn you, Naruto! What have you done to me?_

Didn't take a genius to realize that Sasuke was already at his limit and he needed to launch damage control, _fast_.

_I need to see him. NO! I need to make sure that he's okay._

_Yeah, that's it. Once I find out that he's okay, then I'll be fine._

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Naruto fell hard on his back.

"NARUTO!"

"I'm fine!" shouted the kyuubi bearer as he got on his feet.

"Concentrate, you ass! I could've hurt you!"

"Easy there, dog-breath, you won't hurt me that easily!"

Kiba glared at his fellow jounin, clearly not liking his friend's state. "Let's take a break."

"What? No way, man! We came here to spar. Come on, let's do this!"

"Later. I need a break," said Kiba as he slumped on the ground.

"Sissy!"

"Well, this _sissy_ already kicked your butt twice, and we haven't even spared for an hour yet."

Naruto hated to admit that fact, but Kiba was right. The spiky-haired shinobi had made him kiss dirt twice while he hadn't managed to counter said attacks.

_Damn it!_

Aware that he had no other choice, the blond followed Kiba's action and crashed on the ground beside him.

"You got it really bad, don't you?"

"What?"

"This _thing_ you had with Sasuke."

Naruto kept his mouth shut. He was positive that Kiba already knew the answer; the dog-boy didn't need any confirmation from him. His condition for the past two weeks had spoken for itself.

"He's not the only man in this world, you know. There are others."

"Really?" asked Naruto sarcastically but apparently Kiba didn't get it or just didn't give a damn.

"Like Neji. He's hot."

Naruto snickered. What was Kiba trying to do? But the blue-eyed jounin decided to play along. "He is, but I'm not stealing from my brother."

The dark-eyed man raised his eyebrow.

"Shikamaru? Hello?"

"Right," replied Kiba. "Gaara then, you know what they say about red hair."

Naruto laughed even louder. "Hmm… maybe… if he wasn't the Kazekage."

"Why not?"

"You seriously think that a long-distance relationship is a good one?"

"You're right."

Naruto chuckled.

"How about me?"

Chuckle stopped.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, why not? I'm not that bad. Just ask around and they'll tell you about my _qualities_ ," said Kiba cheekily as he moved his face closer towards his friend's.

Naruto could feel Kiba's breath on his face, they were that close. His blue eyes trailed his friend's feature - from the tattoo in his cheeks to his fang to his sensual lips - and he had to admit that Inuzuka Kiba was nothing but one hell of a sexy guy.

"Not bad. You're not bad at all."

"So?"

"So?"

"Shall we give it a try?" asked Kiba who moved even closer, their lips almost touching.

Naruto closed his eyes and gave into the temptation.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Shuddered.

His body shuddered in anger for he didn't like what he saw in front of him. He didn't like it _at all_.

_What the hell?_

He should be happy!

He should be happy that Naruto turned out to be more than just fine but he wasn't.

He gathered all the willpower in his body in order to get his composure back. He needed it or else he would have found himself marching to the training ground to punch Inuzuka Kiba to death, instead Sasuke fled from the scene.

Jealousy was a bitch.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Two pairs of eyes stared into each other.

"So?"

"So?"

"Did you feel it?"

"Did you?"

"No."

"Me neither."

Laughter.

Laughter filled the air as two friends punched each other's shoulder lightly.

"Who are you trying to fool here, dog-breath?"

"Myself?"

Another barrage of laughs.

"Save those kisses for Shino."

Kiba's eyes were as big as saucers.

"What? Do you seriously think you're that discreet?"

"I'm doomed."

"No, we both are."

"Love sucks."

"Tell me about it."

**\- TBC -**


	5. Chapter 5

Red eyes, uneven breath, shaking body.

_I'm not jealous._

Anger flared in his heart, hatred filled his head, envy consumed his very soul.

_I'm not jealous._

Fists pounded the huge tree, again and again, harder and harder, as blood started to flow.

_I'm. Not. Jealous._

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Naruto was lying down on the ground, gazing at the sky and counting clouds. He was trying some techniques that he liked to call 'The Nara Therapy' which according to the creator should have a calming effect. However, after ninety-five clouds passed through, the jounin didn't think that this technique was working. He was still as troubled as before seeing as the memory of his last encounter with Sasuke kept playing in his mind.

_"I'm bored."_

_"Of this relationship?"_

_"Of this fling. Never thought you'd considered it more than that, dobe."_

Damn right he considered the connection between them more than just a cheap fling. Sasuke was his equal, his rival, his best friend, his lover, his… love.

Naruto flinched at the last word for it had triggered his memory of another part of the conversation.

_"Sasuke, I-"_

_"Don't. Say. A. Word."_

_"You have to listen, I-"_

_"Don't."_

The blue-eyed shinobi cringed. Sasuke didn't even give him a chance to blurt out his feelings. His true feelings. That bastard!

Rage and shame hit him, made him shut his eyes and groan hard.

Soft thuds on the ground alerted Naruto that someone was coming. But before he could manage to react and fully open his eyes, that someone had literally jumped him. Had firmly nailed Naruto's body on the ground with his own and held both of Naruto's hands above his yellow head with one steel-gripped of a bloody hand.

_What the hell? Who…?_

Red eyes full of rage stared right into the startled blue ones, while the three black dots of each sharingan eyes twirled menacingly. Naruto was starting to object, but his protest was muffled by one brutal kiss.

Yes, brutal. There were no other words to describe that kiss.

Firm lips harshly crushed the soft ones beneath, hurting and punishing. A tongue slid out, trying to force itself in only to find clenched teeth.

"Open for me," hissed Sasuke.

"NO! You bast-"

Another muffled protest. Another violent kiss.

A hand went down to grab a strong jaw, as teeth cruelly bit a lower lip.

"AH!"

A tongue thrusted in, probing and exploring, while slim hips started to grind brutally.

_How dare he treat me like this! HOW DARE HE!_

Blue eyes turned into red as fury erupted. His hands broke free from the grip that confined him and roughly pushed the body above.

"What the fuck, teme!" shouted Naruto as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

If Sasuke ever felt slightly upset by that gesture, he certainly didn't let it show. On the contrary, there was only a smug smirk painted on his face. "Well, well, I guess my kiss and touch has really lost its charm."

"What. Do. You. Want?" asked the blond fiercely. "I thought there was _nothing_ left to talk about, bastard."

"Touché," retorted Sasuke, arrogant smirk still very much intact. "I'm just trying my luck to get a decent fuck, dobe. As far as I can remember, you are a good lay. But apparently I have no luck today."

And with that, Sasuke made his exit.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Decent fuck?_

_A good lay?_

_That's how he sees me?_

_Nothing but a piece of meat?_

Naruto was hurt. He was hurt beyond words. Not even when Sasuke's chidori ripped open his chest five years ago did it hurt this bad. He could endure physical pain, but this… this was too much to bear.

Tears began to wet his eyes, but Naruto stubbornly refused to let them flow out. For the love of Heaven, he would not let his tears, not even one drop, be wasted on that bastard. But it was so hard. God, it was so damn hard.

_I won't cry._

"Naruto?"

A familiar voice was heard from behind him. Naruto didn't need to turn his body to know to whom the voice belong to. It was Sakura.

_I won't cry._

"Naruto?" called Sakura again as she put her hand gently on her former team mate's shoulder, asking him to turn around. "Are you alright?"

The concern and caring in the pink-haired kunoichi's voice had broken all his resolve.

"Sakura-chaaaan," croaked Naruto as sob after sobs escaped from his lips.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"SHANNAROOO!"

The earth had shattered and cracked with a thunderous sound as Haruno Sakura's chakra-infused fist blasted the ground. The crash had startled people within one kilometer radius, let alone one Uchiha Sasuke who was less than ten feet away from the undoubtedly… unmistakably enraged kunoichi.

"You've broken my heart and it hurt. What make you think that I will let you brake Naruto's heart too!" screamed Sakura at her former team mate and former object of affection.

Sasuke who was unharmed by the pink-haired medic-nin's attack, only lifted one eyebrow and grunted, "Hn."

"Don't you dare 'Hn' me as if it is enough to explain everything!" she shouted as she stomped toward the raven.

But Sasuke kept quiet, not a word came out of his lips.

"What is wrong with you! Why do you always hurt people that care for you the most!

Still Sasuke didn't respond.

"ANSWER ME!"

"Why bother, Sakura? Besides, I never asked one of you to care for me. Not you, and certainly not him."

The cold answer angered Sakura even more. Furiously, she drove a potent strike towards Sasuke who dodged it effortlessly. He seized her fist in his hand as two pairs of eyes stared each other down.

"You heartless bastard!" spat Sakura. "Just stay away from him. You've done enough damage."

**\- TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

A single fist banged on the big wooden door.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Open the door! I know you're in there!"

No answer.

The banging got harder.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Open the DAMN DOOR!"

Still, there was no answer.

Or so, he thought. Because when one Uzumaki Naruto was about ready to knock down the solid door in front of him with one strike, that said door was opened.

"Took you long enough," growled Naruto as he roughly kicked open that wooden panel even wider and stomped in to the condo.

Sasuke choose to be quiet. His apartment was barely enough to contain one fuming man, let alone two. So calmly he closed the apartment door.

SMACK!

The dull sound of a head getting smacked filled the room-

BANG!

-and followed by a loud thumping sound as Naruto grabbed the collar of Sasuke's shirt with both hands and pushed that lean body hard up against the door.

"You really think that you can assault and insult me and then get away with it?" hissed Naruto in one icy tone that would make Orochimaru so damn proud. "I've had enough of this bullshit and you will give me an explanation now. You _owe_ me that much."

Sasuke looked straight into Naruto's eyes. There was no touch of compassion there whatsoever. Even the Uchiha prodigy had to admit to himself that the blue-eyed jounin indeed looked very scary at the moment.

"I saw you and Kiba kiss," blurted Sasuke out as he gently touched Naruto's left wrist with his right hand. "I didn't like it."

Naruto gasped, certainly didn't see that one coming.

_Did he just…_

"You told me to find a new fling."

"I didn't like it," repeated Sasuke, thumb starting to rub sensitive skin very slowly.

_No way! No fucking way!_

"Are you telling me that you're jealous?" asked Naruto who was still finding it hard to believe.

"No. I'm telling you that I didn't like it."

The effect of that little confession was enormous. Naruto's grasp on the collar was gradually getting loose as the strokes on his wrist, that had gotten more and more sensual every second, were starting to have an impact. Little by little fury began to fade away and was easily replaced by desire.

Naruto inwardly cursed at himself, at his own weakness, for he knew that there was nothing… nothing that he could do to resist this craving that had started to build inside his traitorous body.

_One line and you melt! GAH! You're weak! GODDAMN WEAK!_

Sensing that Naruto was distracted enough, Sasuke lifted his free hand to touch Naruto's cheek and called out for him, "Usuratonkachi…"

Their lips were almost touching when Naruto once again, without warning, had tightened his grasp on the collar. "Stop," he whispered into Sasuke's lips. "Not like this. If we're going to do it, then we're doing it, my way."

For a second there, the Uchiha got tense. However, passion and hunger were already taking control and he caved.

Slowly the blond let the white cloth slid off his hands and smooth the creases that his hands had created before gently cupping the breathtakingly beautiful face in front of him. Tenderly, he brought their faces closer to each other and he started to plant little kisses on a forehead… a chin… right cheek… left cheek… tip of a straight nose… along the jaw before ending the journey on the lips.

Sasuke who was never good at dealing with tenderness, impatiently grabbed Naruto's head to deepen the kiss only to have his lover tear his lips away from the kiss.

" _My_ way, remember?" stated Naruto, reminding Sasuke of their deal.

Black eyes that were so full of needs stared hard into blue ones. "Hn."

Again, Naruto brought their lips together. With the tip of his tongue he traced the outline of Sasuke's bottom lip before he lightly nibbled at it. He repeated the action with the upper lip then claimed the responsive flesh completely as his tongue probed in to taste the sweetness inside.

Sasuke moaned, gradually letting himself drown in this bliss.

The blue-eyed shinobi broke the kiss and placed one last peck on the nose before entangling their hands. "Let's go to bed."

The chuunin who was still intoxicated by the long bone-melting kiss nodded and allowed himself to be led by his lover to get into the bedroom.

Once they got there, Naruto once more gave Sasuke a thorough kiss. Only this time his hands began to take off the ravens clothes one by one, until he was standing before him in his glorious nakedness.

_God, he's beautiful!_

The blonde gently pushed that magnificent body behind until it was lying down on the bed and again kissed those lips leisurely until they ran out of breath before very slowly stripping himself out of his own clothes.

Black eyes greedily followed every single action that was made by Naruto as tanned skin became exposed inch by inch. Sasuke groaned. At the time, there was nothing that he wanted more than to rip off those articles of clothing from Naruto's body. But he had given his word to submit to the blonde's game even though it could kill him. When Sasuke thought that he was almost too crazy with yearning, Naruto took pity on him and got rid of the last of his attire.

And then the worshiping began.

Joining his lover on the bed, Naruto literally touched and rubbed and stroked and kissed and licked every inch of that pale body beneath him with his lips, his fingers, his tongue, his body, forcing moan after moan to escape from Sasuke's throat over and over.

Those sounds filled with joy were like music to his ears. He would definitely have the blast of his life on this one. He intended to make the best of it because submissive Sasuke was _not_ something that you could have on a daily basis. In fact, during their one year of sexual encounters, even when Naruto did top, he had to fight for dominance.

So yes, he was definitely was going to make the most of this rare… rare chance. Sasuke might not let him speak out his love, but he couldn't stop him from expressing his true feelings in his touch or in his kiss. No more restraining, no more holding back. Naruto was done with fucking. Right this moment, he was making love.

Sasuke whimpered as those tanned fingers stroked his arousal lovingly. But the pleasure that he got at the moment couldn't be compared with the one that he felt right now when that hot mouth engulfed his hard-rock shaft.

"AHH!" screamed the black haired shinobi in sheer delight. "Just… just fuck me already!"

Naruto was on the edge of his control so he decided to submit a little to Sasuke's demand by starting the prep to his tight passage. Tenderly he inserted one finger and stroked his lover's inside, followed by the second finger and then the third. The sharingan user was squirming under his touch asking for harder stimulation but this time Naruto refused to fulfill his demand. He had enough with rough sex. He wanted tenderness. _He_ was making love.

Taking his fingers out of his lover's entrance, the blonde finally slowly penetrated the raven. Naruto was taking his time for he wanted to feel every second of this glorious moment.

"Sasuke… you feel so good."

He had done it. He had broken the cardinal rule and it felt so damn good.

Sasuke was tense by the new development, they never called each other's name in bed before. But not for long because for the tenth time tonight, Naruto had claimed his lips with yet another one of those tender kiss that had gotten more and more intoxicating.

"Harder!"

"No," refused the blonde who kept moving in and out in his own leisurely pace.

"Damn you! HARDER!"

Tracing Sasuke's lower lip with his thumb, Naruto let out a little smile. "Sasuke, I want to feel you… and… taste you… I won't do it… in a hurry…"

As if he wanted to prove his words, Naruto undulated his hips unhurriedly before slowly thrusting into Sasuke. The hot appendage grazed every sensitive flesh inside before nudging into a special bundle of nerves.

"F-fuck!"

"Feels… good, right?" asked Naruto as he repeated the action over and over.

The whimpers and whines were gradually getting frantic which made the blonde finally surrender. His thrusts became sharper and sharper, harder and harder, faster and faster...

"Sasuke… Sasuke… Sasuke... Sasuke!" shouted Naruto over and over like his life was dependent on reciting his lover's name. He was so close.

"Aaah… ahhh… AHHH… NARUTO!"

Sasuke's cries had sent Naruto over the edge. As thunderous climax took him, the blond collapsed on top of well-built chest. Little by little smile of happiness formed on his face.

_My name... He called my name..._

It was the most beautiful sound that Naruto had ever heard.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Those eyes…_

_They were haunting him… judging him… toying with him…_

_Those eyes…_

_He needed to run, so he ran, but they managed to catch him._

_Those eyes…_

_He needed to hide, so he hid, but they found him._

_Those eyes…_

_They were killing him!_

Sasuke gasped as the same old nightmare ruthlessly woke him up for the millionth time.

"Teme…?"

And the Uchiha gasped again, when he found Naruto was in his bed, holding him tight.

_What the…? HOW?_

Then memories of last night filled his mind. But instead of making him calm they were making things worse.

"Sasuke…?"

Sasuke freed himself from Naruto's embrace and sat at the edge of the bed, trying to be as far as he could from the Uzumaki.

"What's wrong?" asked Naruto, starting to get worry. "Are you alright?"

"Don't touch me!" shouted the raven, slapping the blonde's hand that had reached out for him.

The blue-eyed jounin got more and more confused. Reaching out his hand once more, he again called out for him, "Sasuke?"

SMACK!

"I said. Don't. Touch. Me."

"But you've got to tell me what's wrong with you?"

Sasuke shook his head furiously.

"Are you having a nightmare? What's it all about? Please tell-"

"Shut up! SHUT UP!" screamed Sasuke. "Just leave me alone!"

"No! I care for you and I'll be damned if I'm going to leave you like this!"

"Why the hell not? All I have ever done is hurt you! So why don't you just leave?"

"Don't ask me to leave you, Teme! I can never do that!"

"Why? Why do you have to be so kind to me? Why do you have to be so _fucking_ FORGIVING?"

"Do you really need to ask?" asked Naruto softly.

Sasuke shook his head again, even more furiously than the first. "Don't say it."

"Why the hell not? I want you to know my feelings!"

"Just don't. Please…"

"But why? For God sake, WHY?"

"BECAUSE I DON'T DESERVE TO BE LOVE!"

**\- TBC -**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tried to make another version of this chapter, but somehow I keep failing. This version keeps coming into my head so I decided to write it exactly like that. I don't know the reason but maybe it was because I was in Naruto's shoes once - desperately in love with someone who had a tongue from Hell. There were times when I was so angry with him and so ready to take his heart out with a dull spoon, but then he said something or did something; and I would melt, just like that. So, if it there's any of you wondering if it really is that easy to forgive someone that had hurt you badly. I would say… for certain someones, yes, it is that easy. But love does make you act like a fool. O_o


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for shadowphoenix143, my beta-reader. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you!

_Because I don't deserve to be loved!_

"Teme, what are you saying? Everybody deserve-"

"Don't patronize me, dobe," Sasuke interrupted bitterly.

"Then at least believe me when I said that I-"

"I don't need your pity either." Once again the Uchiha stopped Naruto from finishing what he was trying to say.

"It's not pity!" the blonde denied fiercely, "I've never-"

"Really?" the chuunin snidely mocked, "Somehow I find that hard to believe."

Even for a shinobi that seemed to always have something to say, getting cut off three consecutive times was more than enough, causing silence to transpire between them. It did not last for long though.

"Do… do you want me to leave?" asked Naruto timidly, sad blue eyes turning to meet charcoal, but instead of gazing into the good-looking face that he adored, he was presented with a rigid back.

"No," the raven answered much to Naruto's relief. "Just don't… touch me."

The Uzumaki nodded, completely forgetting that Sasuke couldn't see him with his back turned. However, no protests were voiced and it seemed like the sharingan user knew that Naruto would submit to his request. Once again silence reigned, only this time it became almost unbearable in the tension filled room.

"Did you know that if you hear screaming and crying for a week non-stop your ears would naturally adjust themselves to block out those miserable sounds?" Sasuke's impassive voice filled the room. "That was how I spent my first week at Oto."

At that moment, no words could have described the shock that went through the orange-clad ninja upon hearing these words. Naruto had always been extremely curious to know what had happened to Sasuke during that time. Ever since the raven had returned, the blonde was constantly racking his brain to find a subtle, but effective, way to make the raven talk about the two and a half years his beloved had spent in the serpent's lair. Now finally, after all this time, he would be getting the answers he so desperately wanted.

"But not hearing them doesn't mean that they are not there. It's just that my ears and brain choose to tune out hearing those voices," Sasuke stated coldly. "But… these cursed eyes of mine are a different story. It only takes one look… just a single glance and whatever scene I am witnessing will be in my mind…forever."

The blonde shinobi's eyes watched as Sasuke's finely-muscled back became so full of strain, he knew it had to hurt. Sasuke might be able to cover up his feelings by speaking in a detached voice, but his body language betrayed him. It was so filled with emotion that Naruto needed to restrain himself from lunging forward and taking the body into his arms to soothe away all of the tension. He stopped himself because he knew better then to deny Sasuke's request to not be touched; this could be his only chance to know the truth. Hence, the blue eyes stayed at his place, not even daring to breathe so hard for he was afraid Sasuke would change his mind.

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

_"It's time for my training," Sasuke demanded to the lanky figure in front of him._

_"Ku… ku… ku… Sasuke-kun… what's the hurry? It's still quite early in the morning," responded Orochimaru as his hand reached out to touch Sasuke's shoulder._

_The slow, yet deadly move, reminded Sasuke so much of a snake's movements. All of a sudden he felt a sharp stinging pain in his left shoulder, right on top of his curse-seal that was given to him by the same person who was also putting his sneaky hand on the exact spot. Calmly the thirteen-year-old grasped the said hand, forcing it to let his shoulder go. "Training is the main reason of my coming to this disgusting place. I don't want to waste my time."_

_"Watch that tongue, Sasuke-kun… though, I have to admit how much I love that vengeful-spirit… ku… ku… ku."_

_"Oh please… please let go of my baby!"_

_Out of the blue, pleading cries resounded throughout the room followed by a man whose hair was pulled into a low ponytail and holding some kind of chart. Closely following behind him was a woman in her late twenties desperately grasping onto said man's shirt like her life depended on it. Again, she pleaded, "I-I'll do anything you want… t-take me instead of my baby."_

_"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't need you," said the gray-haired man who clearly didn't give a damn._

_"She's just a kid! She's only four year olds!" screamed the woman frantically. "Please… please…"_

_By this time, she didn't have enough energy left to hold onto the spectacle-wearing shinobi's shirt. She became just a lump sprawled on the floor repeatedly pleading over and over._

_Orochimaru took the chance to glance at Sasuke's direction, trying to read his reaction to the unfolding events. Yet, the young teenager remained impassive and the serpent failed to notice any emotion on the blank face. Satisfied with the teen's lack of response towards the situation, he then turned his attention to his right-hand man, "What seems to be the problem, Kabuto?"_

_"A kid, Sir."_

_"What kid?" Orochimaru demanded, his yellow snake-like eyes glinting with evil desire._

_Kabuto knew his master too well to deny him of his playtime. Clapping his hands several times he instructed his subordinate to bring the child to him._

_"This kid, Sir."_

_The little girl was as cute as button. The most striking quality about her was surprisingly not her beauty, but her courage. She showed no fear whatsoever as she held up her head and looked straight at the devils reincarnation. Orochimaru couldn't stop himself from touching the baby, her guts had intrigued him._

_"You're a daring one, aren't you?" hissed the dark-haired sannin as he trailed his fingers along the toddlers smooth cheek._

_Sensing her child was in danger, the maternal instincts of the woman kicked in. She snatched her child from Orochimaru's touch and held her tightly against her breast._

_"I don't see the advantage of keeping the little one with us Kabuto, the mother simply has more to offer," said Orochimaru as he began to play his twisted game._

_As predicted the mother's eyes started to fill with hope._

Ah yes… give them hope, and then crush it to the ground…

_"Please, Sir… I would do anything… anything… I would be your most loyal servant. Just… God, j-just let my baby go."_

_The woman crawled to touch the sannin's feet. Clearly she was near the point of breaking down into hysterics._

_"Ku… ku… ku… if this matter was my decision to make, my dear, I would love to accept your proposition," responded the merciless snake much to Sasuke's disgust._

_"Oh thank you, Sir! Thank you!"_

Ah… the relief… the optimism… Now… for the closing strike…

_"However," hissed Orochimaru while forcing the woman to meet his eyes as he held the woman's chin to get her undivided attention, "…however… it's not mine to make."_

_Fresh tears began flowing out of beautiful eyes, sob after sob leaving tightly pressed lips, as her hopes tumbled down illustrated by a symphony of her own screaming._

Ah… the beauty of despair… what bliss… ku…ku…ku…

_"Sasuke-kun?" called the long-haired devil, "…it's time for your training."_

_The calling of his name brought new realization to the woman. For the first time she was aware that there were other people in this room other than those two monsters. Using the last of her fading strength, she leaped into Sasuke's direction and wrapped her arms around the raven's ankles so tight, her knuckles went white. "Help us, young man! HELP US PLEASE!"_

_For a second, seeing the desperate woman at his feet with tears shining on her face and stripped of all her pride, left Sasuke feeling stunned._

_"Young man, please… I can tell that you're not a monster. Please… help us…"_

_"Sasuke-kun… no need to waste anymore of your precious time," whispered Orochimaru as he walked toward the door._

_Those words hit deep and brought back his deep seated hatred in no time._

_"Let go of my feet."_

_With that Sasuke left the room and profanity soon followed behind him._

_"Y-you… you're a monster! A MONSTER! I wish a painful death on every one of you! Give me my baby back! GIVE HER BACK!"_

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

"That snaky bastard knew what choice I would make, yet he dared to actually make me choose between my hatred and my conscience," scorned Sasuke.

"It's not like you had any other choice, Sasuke."

"I thought I told you not to patronize me."

"I'm not!" denied the Jounin before hesitantly continuing, "Y-you were at the enemy's-"

"You're lying through your teeth, Naruto!" Again, the chuunin harshly cut off Naruto's words. "You would have jumped at the first chance to help them or die trying!"

"Of course I would have! It was the right thing to do and I-" This time the blonde didn't need the Uchiha's help in stopping him from finishing his own words. "Ah… Sasuke, I…"

"Stop trying to legitimize my actions!" shouted the raven as he turned his body to face Naruto and stared bitterly right into his eyes. "I know it was wrong but I still did it. Because nothing… _nothing_ could keep me from getting my revenge!"

Incomprehensible fear began to fill Naruto's blue eyes as Sasuke's cold words slowly cut into his heart with razor blade precision.

_Scared now aren't you? Now that you see the real me?"_

"W-what exactly did those bastards want from that kid?"

"What else, Naruto?" Sasuke replied with a question before explaining, "For experimenting on, of course! That psycho bastard needed a female child to complete his anatomy chart."

"Anatomy chart? That bastard! Can't he just use a corpse!" screamed Naruto in unadulterated rage.

"He needed live humans so he could perform his twisted research. So his master could attain the most perfect immortal shape. Well, they can kiss that sick dream good-bye!" snapped the raven.

"I'm glad that you killed him Sasuke. If it weren't for him, than none of this misery would have happened."

"Stop blaming other people for my mistakes! If it wasn't Orochimaru, then I would have found another way to fulfill my revenge! To achieve my goal, I knew no boundaries. So stop treating me like I'm an innocent victim because I'm NOT."

The harsh words silenced Naruto and for a while a satisfied smirk formed on Sasuke's lips. While it was true that the whole aim of this conversation was to get Naruto to renounce his faith in him, and more than likely he was going to get it any moment, Sasuke couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness in his heart.

_Giving up on me so soon, Dobe? You haven't even heard all of it yet._

"After I killed that cursed serpent, I decided to release all of the captives before leaving the lair," uttered the Uchiha's prodigy, continuing his story. "It never crossed my mind that I would have a second chance to meet with that child again."

"Really?"

"Hn."

"And?"

"And once again I disappointed her."

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly like I just said," Sasuke stated exasperatedly before going on with his story, "Her condition was the worst that could possibly happen to a child. She no longer had any limbs and her body was covered with wounds and scars, including her once smooth face, but her eyes still shone with courage."

Naruto raised his head to once again look at Sasuke, feeling curious about the admiration that colored Sasuke's voice. Questioningly he raised his left eyebrow.

"Oh, I admired her bravery. Barely seven years old, yet she was so strong."

"Then what happened?"

"She asked me to kill her."

"WHAT? Please tell me that you didn't."

"I didn't," affirmed Sasuke, much to Naruto's relief, "… but not for the reasons that your naïve mind produced."

The left eyebrow lifted once again.

"By killing her, I would be doing her a favor. She would've been blessed with a painless death," explained the raven, "But no… up till the end I denied her any kindness."

"W-why?"

"Change your mind about killing?" mocked the Uchiha.

"Just answer the damn question!"

"Honestly? I just don't give a shit."

"SASUKE!"

"What! I'm telling you the truth. Orochimaru's death meant I got my freedom to chase Itachi and the chance that I'd been waiting patiently for in order to fulfill my only goal in life. Doing someone else a favor at that time felt too inconvenient."

"You heartless bastard!"

"So I've been called," confirmed Sasuke, "But that child left her mark on me too."

"I thought you said she had no limbs left."

"She marked me mentally, not physically."

"Go on."

"By the time I was ready to leave, she called out to me. I never thought she would have remembered my name from that first encounter. Then, she told me to have a nice life and I could never, ever forget her eyes at that time, even though I want to." Sasuke's voice was starting to lose its coldness as it gradually became laced with emotion, "She had no limbs, she was about to face a slow painful death - starvation is not exactly a fun way to die, and there was not a single thing in her life at the moment that should have made her happy, yet _she_ was the one who was looking at me with pity!

"Sasuke…"

"I was the one with the power! I could have easily wringed her little neck, ending her miserable life in seconds! But she dared… she dared to look down on me!"

Sasuke's last words made Naruto's heart ache with longing to hold his lover and save him from his pain. But he didn't think he could handle anymore rejection.

"So… the nightmare that you just had, was it about… that child?"

The dark-eyed shinobi didn't even bother to answer the blonde's question. He kept talking in the most un-Uchiha-ish voice. A voice that was full of self-loathing. "God knows I deserve them to repay all my sins. I deserve all the bad things that happen in my life as my redemption. Even then, I still don't think it's enough… it'll never be enough."

"You can't mean that!"

"I can Naruto, and I do. There's nothing wrong with stating the truth."

"Sasuke, stop this right now!" Naruto screamed as he leaped forward to grasp the chuunin's shoulders and shook his body hard. "Sasuke, you're forgetting one thing, everybody deserves forgiveness."

"NO, not everybody. You never believed that Orochimaru deserved forgiveness."

"Bullshit!" shouted Naruto, refusing to admit defeat. "You think I don't know why you're doing this!? I do! You want me to leave you alone! You want me to despise you! You want me to stop loving you! But I've got news for you pal, those things are not going to happen!"

"Naruto…" Sasuke gently cupped Naruto's face between his hands, "… can't you see that I am doing you a favor? I am saving you from a miserable life, because trust me, that is what you're going to get if you stay with me."

"No way! You don't know what you're saying!"

"It's the truth, Dobe."

"NO!" denied Naruto once again, "Teme… please don't do this."

"I have nothing to offer you except my body, Naruto. That, and a whole heap of guilt and misery, enough to last a lifetime. Don't lie to me and say that's enough for you because we both know that it's not."

"You… you can love me back."

"You still don't get it, do you? I can't- I can't love anybody! Heck Naruto, I can't even love myself!"

"No…" The last denial was barely a whisper.

"So, you understand now, right? I don't love you, not because I don't want to, but because I'm not capable of it."

The blonde couldn't hold in his tears any longer. As a sob ripped out of his chest accompanying the tears pouring down his cheeks, Sasuke pulled him into an embrace and held him tight. "Usuratonkachi… you haven't answered my question. Do you really understand what I'm saying?"

The Uzumaki simply nodded before crying even more and clinging tightly to Sasuke.

_It's over… It's really over…_

Naruto's surrender and tears hurt Sasuke, but he kept reminding himself that it was for the best. Naruto deserved better… Scratch that, Naruto deserved the best.

**-TBC-**


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for my beta, Puddles Isher.

Shiranui Genma was a good observer. He was after all Konoha Tokubetsu Jounin Examiner; hence observation and examination were his game. Occurrences, no matter big or small – his colleague's love life included, were rarely out of his surveillance. Makes him becoming the most wanted Shinobi through out Konoha to be invited in Kunoichi's gathering, for his knowledge of who chases who, who fucks who, who loves who, and who breaks up with whom. Seeing this, of course the Uzumaki-Uchiha case was not excluded.

For several weeks now, the Jounin felt unusual vibes coming out from both Naruto and Sasuke. Especially, when they were both were in the mission room at the same time. Yet, Genma never really considered there was trouble in paradise until two days ago, when he passed by Ichiraku Ramen shop on his way home and found Umino Iruka staring at an almost full bowl of noodles, like it was the most bizarre thing in the world.

_"Lost your appetite, Sensei?"_

_"It's not mine. It's Naruto's."_

_"Eh? His fifth serving, I presume?"_

_"No… his FIRST."_

After that surely other explanation were not needed. If one, Uzumaki Naruto had lost his taste for ramen then indeed there was not only trouble in paradise but a catastrophe.

A week later, Genma was summoned by the Hokage. He was sent for a mission and partnered with no other than Uchiha Sasuke. The senbon manipulator took the mission gladly, for he finally got his chance to solve the big mystery that had tickled his mind ever since the ramen accident.

The mission was a success despite a little mishap from Sasuke. Genma, never an uptight person, asked his subordinate to take lightly on it. Besides, he, as commanding officer of the assignment, was only concern about the end result. Yet, the young Uchiha still took it bad, too bad for a mere B rank mission.

From his years of experience as a shinobi, there was only one emotion that was strong enough to turn a tough man into a mush. Something that unfortunately was very close to their profession and life.

And by God the kid is drowning in it!

"Hey, Uchiha, shit happens, you know?" said Genma as he jumped from one tree to the other; they were on their way back to Konoha.

"Hn."

"We're ninjas. For a mission, we'll do anything. And we're not perfect, sometimes we made mistakes."

"I know that."

"Then you really need to find a way to deal with your guilt and be done with it!"

"You-

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Suit yourself… but I'm still your commander and for once, you will hear it from me." The Jounin took a deep breath before continued, "Let guilt _consume_ you… it'll lead to nothing good. Trust me."

The Uchiha prodigy said nothing, he wasn't even looked at his CO, but Genma knew that he had hit a nerve. Those fists couldn't get any tighter than that.

_It even worse than I thought…_

**xxxxxx**

Hatake Kakashi was doing his morning routine – reading naughty lines from Icha-Icha Paradise to Uchiha Obito's gravestone – when he felt pair of strong hands held him from behind.

"I knew I would find you here."

"Yeah, how long have you known me?"

The honey colored man turned Kakashi's body so they were face to face now, "Too long."

"Fuck off!" snapped the Jounin but with smile in his eye.

"We need to talk."

"It sounds serious."

"It is. I would've told you last night if I could, but I arrived home after midnight and you were asleep already."

"What is it?"

"It's about your former student."

"Naruto?"

"No, Sasuke."

"What about him?"

"He's my partner for the mission."

"And?"

"That kid is really something. He made a little mistake and treated it like it was the catastrophe of the year or something. The mission was a success."

"Well, you know those Uchiha's… they're a little too intense for their own good… can only be rivaled by the Hyuuga's, I think."

"Oh, look who's talking!"

"Excuuuse me?"

"I'm talking about the 18 years ago little Hatake-," explained Genma carefully – Kakashi don't like to be reminded of his past, particularly at that time, "-before this dashingly handsome me come to the rescue."

"Yeah, _four_ years later!" retorted the grey haired man.

The tokubetsu Jounin chuckled and teased, "Hey, get real... a thirteen years old is too young for a lover, but still I take care of you..."

"I know," said Kakashi and then cupped his best friend/lover's face for the past 14 years between his hands, "you saved me from me."

Genma sighed and moved closer to Kakashi until their foreheads touched each other. "He reminds me of you, Kakashi. He had almost drowned in his guilt and he's all alone."

"You're sure he was not just overreacting over a mistake? We're talking about an Uchiha here…"

The senbon user snorted and lifted his head so he can see straight to his lover's eye. "I think being with you those years makes me entitled to know the difference."

"You're right. What should I do?"

"Talk to him."

"What makes you think he'll listen to me?"

"Well first off, you're his first sensei, that should count for something. Two, you know exactly what he's been going through, and three… it might look slightly out of topic, but you need to do this to help Naruto, that poor kid had lost his appetite… for _ramen_."

"Whoa!"

"Yup, that serious."

"I guess he's going through that phase right now, hm? That denial, self-pity, self-abuse, rejection-driving-everybody-away-mambo-jumbo shit?"

"Yes," answered Genma. His body still shivered when he thought about his own experience through the similar situation.

Sensing the change of mood, Kakashi traced both of his lovers cheek with his thumbs before taking the senbon out from between Genma's lips and kissing him.

"I'll talk to him."

"Good! And Kakashi?"

"Yes?"

"You know I hate it when you kissed me like that." said Tokubetsu Jounin Examiner Shiranui as he took back his senbon from his life partner's hand and put it back in his mouth.

"What? Why?"

"I want to kiss lips not cloth."

Kakashi chuckled and again cupped Genma's face between his hands, "I'll make it up to you tonight."

"With interest."

"Deal."

**TBC**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Kakashi/Iruka as much as I love Kakashi/Genma. There's a lot of KakaIru fanfiction out there, so I decided to write a small portion of Kakashi/Genma in this fic.


	9. Chapter 9

Sasuke felt a piece of thin metal thread swiftly tie his upper body onto a large tree behind him before he sensed the presence of his former teacher, Hatake Kakashi, who was innocently standing in front of him. Ironic really that he chose word 'innocent' to describe a man who never leaves home without porn in his hand.

"Yo!"

Sasuke just snorted and mocked, "You do realize that I can easily extricate myself from this bind, right… Sensei?"

"Oh, I know that, Sasuke-kun… I just did it for old time's sake."

The Uchiha can imagine the grin behind the mask as clearly as he saw the glint of amusement in Kakashi's grey eye. Somehow, familiarity with his ex-sensei's antics calmed him. For a second there he felt like a 13-year-old again, back to the days before he made the biggest mistake of his life, before it was too late. So, he just let himself be tied down for the hell of it.

"You're allowed to free yourself, you know."

"I think, I'll just stay like this," said the black haired Chuunin as he let out his patent smirk, "… for old time's sake."

This time, it was Kakashi who snorted.

"After almost two years since I've got back to Konoha, Sensei, you feel _now_ it's the right time for you to say 'I told you so'?" asked Sasuke acidly.

"Oh no, not at all," answered Kakashi as he lifted his head to see straight into his former student eyes, "I think you're punished enough."

"Hah! Funny I never think that myself," countered Sasuke.

"Oh…why's that?"

"It's none of your business."

Kakashi closed the Icha-Icha Paradise Vol. 3 in his hand and put the book in one of his Jounin vest's pocket before walked closer toward the Chuunin.

"Everybody makes mistakes, Sasuke-kun."

"Oh please, not that cliché line again," Sasuke cut in as he rolled his eyes.

"It might be cliché, but doesn't mean it's not true."

"I take it that lover of yours has told you everything about the mission."

"Yes."

"He has no right," hissed the raven haired furiously.

"Maybe, but he knows how much I care for three of you. You guys after all, are my first and maybe last students."

The words did not make his former pupil more uncomfortable, on the contrary made him look even worse and it broke Kakashi's heart.

"Have you ever wondered what causes me to always come late at our training?"

The topic that has abruptly changed surprising Sasuke, but he did not show it and just go with the flow.

"No. Should I?"

The grey haired Jounin ignored Sasuke's question and continued with his story. "When I'm not on mission, I spend 3 hours every morning in front of Uchiha Obito's gravestone."

"Why?"

"Because he was my former teammate and because… I killed him."

"What!?" yelled Sasuke.

"Maybe it's not my own hands that killed him, but that was my mistake that caused his death."

The Uchiha silently transfixed while his sensei kept on telling his tale.

"A ninja who does not put the mission above all else is dirt, but a ninja who does not care about his own teammates is even lower than dirt." recited Kakashi before asking, "You remember that?"

"Hn."

"It was my father's words," said the Jounin, "He held onto those words, even when he had to pay with his life."

Sasuke raised both his eyebrows questioningly.

"My father chose his teammates' life over the mission and they all condemned him because of it. Afterward, to save the Hatake name he took his own life."

Kakashi took a deep breath before continuing his story, "I was a wreck at that time. I hate my father, and as far as I'm concern he was a disgrace. I swore to myself that I'm going to be the best ninja there is. Nothing else for me but the mission. But Obito… HE was everything that I resent. He was never on time. He concerned about our other teammate, Rin, and his inactive Sharingan eyes more than everything else. He wore those ridiculous goggle everywhere. 'To protect my precious eyes,' he said… and it gets on my nerves even to this day! I never got along with him, it's the same as you and Naruto while you two were still genin."

For a moment Kakashi could have sworn he saw a sad smile on Sasuke's lips, but he was not so sure about it because the face in front of him still was impassive as ever.

"It was a war time and I just got promoted to become a Jounin. Our team had a very important mission and as usual Obito comes late. I was furious with him. It was my first mission as CO, and I want everything to be perfect. So we had a fight but luckily Namikaze sensei was there and I refrained myself."

Again, the last Hatake took a deep breath; this particular experience was so painful to tell.

"The mission went wrong. We walked into the enemy's trap and Rin captured. I wanted to leave Rin and get on with the mission, while Obito want to save Rin. We had our second fight that day and I'll never forget the words that he yelled at me before we went to our separated way. 'A ninja who does not put the mission above all else is dirt, but a ninja who does not care about his own teammates is even lower than dirt!' It was my father all over again."

"I-" Kakashi sighed, his voice slightly trembled, "-it took me full10 minutes before I changed my mind and decided to join Obito and save Rin. I was too late. Rin was saved but not Obito. He sacrificed his life for her and… even gave me his Sharingan eye. A gift, he said, for my promotion."

The grey haired Jounin couldn't stop talking. He wasn't even aware of Sasuke's reaction to hearing his story.

"At that time Sasuke-kun, I knew how it felt to be lower that dirt, to be worthless, and finally I understood why my father did what he did, how honorable that man really was. I... I was wrong. I was just an arrogant 13-year-old prick who tried to be an adult and failed terribly."

Sasuke gasped. Never in a million year would he think that his borderline crazy sensei in front of him that always looks so laid-back and sloppy had a very big burden in his life.

_How did he do that? How did he-_

"H-have you forgiven yourself?" asked Sasuke agonizingly.

"I'm trying."

"What about the guilt? How-"

"You think I would spend time in front of his grave everyday if I was already freed from my guilt?" cut Kakashi.

The Uchiha prodigy shook his head.

"But life goes on, Sasuke-kun," said the copy ninja. "I could try to forgive myself and trying to free myself from guilt all my life and I _would_ , no mistake there, but I'm also going to allow myself to live."

Sasuke caught his breath and stared very deeply into his ex-teacher single eye.

"I spent another four years fucking up my own life until Genma came along. Trust me, nothing good came from self-pity, moreover self-abuse. You think you did a favor to people around you when you drove them away, but you didn't."

Kakashi walked even closer, until he could touch his former pupils shoulder, "Think about what I just said, Sasuke-kun and please… _live_."

**xxxxxx**

Naruto grabbed the closest bottle of sake and took a gulp or two before he dared himself to ask this particular question to his three best friends, "Y-you think the rumor true?"

"Which one?" asked Inuzuka Kiba, "I swear our little village is so full of rumors… unless you're talking about me and Shino?"

The blonde lifted his head to see the biggest grin he had ever seen. "Oh, what about you two?"

"I can't believe you missed the best gossip in town!" cried Kiba, his grin getting incredibly bigger and bigger.

"Gossip?" asked Nara Shikamaru impassively. "He slept with Aburame Shino."

"Hey, pineapple head! I want to tell him myself!" yelled the Inuzuka so loudly they were glared by other people in the barbeque place.

"So troublesome…"

"Good for you, Kiba. So happy for you," said the blue eyed Jounin, "But, that was not the rumor I'm talking about."

"We got that, Naruto. So tell us what rumor that has been bothering you all night," said Akimichi Choji, who finally stopped eating for a while to join the conversation.

"What do you mean, Choji? It's not really bothering meee… it's… well… uhm… about… uhm…"

"Sasuke?" asked the Nara boy calmly.

Naruto nodded his head and kept his eyes down.

"For God sake, Naruto, why do you keep thinking about that bastard!" screamed Kiba. "That's it; I'm going to send a letter to Gaara now!"

Kiba's scream startled the orange-clad ninja, but still he refused to lift his head.

"Kiba?" called Shikamaru.

"Yes?"

"Shut up! Now, Naruto… just ignore the dog-breath. What rumor exactly?"

"They said in mission room, Sasuke's form during missions were not as good as it used to be," answered Naruto, finally raised his head, "He kept loosing his focus and… I'm worried… It's not like him at all!"

"Naruto, you know I love you, right buddy? But sometimes I just want to crack that pretty head of yours open!" began the spiky haired Jounin, "For once in your life can you stop thinking about that Uchiha bastard and get on with your life?"

"I wish I could, Kiba!"

"And if you guys really want to talk about rumors, let's talk about one that really matters!"

"Not about you and Shino again, pleaseeee~," moaned Choji out of the blue and shocked everybody in the table.

One good thing about the scene though, it brought smile to the blonde Jounin's lips.

"Ahhh… it's good to see you smile… and dear Choji… it's not about my sex life, so don't worry and keep eating 'kay?" retorted Kiba cheekily, "Is it true Naruto, that you had lost your taste for ramen?"

Choji choked on his meat and even the lazy-boy Shikamaru bothered to stand from his chair to approach his best friend, "Is that true?"

"Not true! I still ate ramen yesterday. Just asked Oji-san and he'll tell you the truth!" snapped the blue eyes.

"Shikamaru, remember at Naruto's birthday you were treat him ramen at Ichiraku?"

"Of course, he drained me to my last penny. What about it?"

"Yeah, 10 bowls of special ramen. How many did you eat yesterday, Naruto?"

"O-one."

Again, Choji choked.

"I rest my case."

**xxxxxx**

Sasuke thought hard, scratch that… he thought really really hard about what Kakashi had said to him. He couldn't deny that some of his sensei's words had upset him very deeply. But he had learned the hard way that sometimes the truth hurts.

_I know how it feels to be lower that dirt, to be worthless…_

Sasuke sneered at himself for that was exactly how he felts about himself for the last two years, ever since his village bestowed him forgiveness. The shame… God! The shame… sometimes thought that he couldn't bear it.

_I was just an arrogant 13-year-old prick who tried to be an adult and failed terribly._

They both had made their biggest mistake at the same age… A mere child… but could it made a difference? Could it really reduce the crime that had been done?

_You think I would spend time in front of his grave everyday if I was already freed from my guilt?_

No… he never dared to dream that he will be able to forgive himself or to be freed from this guilt… but he could try, right? Even Sensei…

_I could try to forgive myself and trying to free myself from guilt all my life and I **would** , no mistake there, but I'm also going to allow myself to live._

Allow myself to live… could he really? Did he really deserve it?

_Trust me, nothing good can come from self-pity, moreover self-abuse. You think you did a favor to people around you when you drove them away?_

Naruto! Could he? 'Oh God… Usuratonkachi, I'm so fucked up… could I really be good enough for you? But I can always try to be better for you… right?' Sasuke thought in his mind.

_Think about what I just said, Sasuke-kun and please… **live** …_

I need to find him!

**xxxxxx**

"You can't go on like this, Naruto. It's killing you," said Choji softly.

"I know."

"What do you really want? Have you asked yourself that?" asked Shikamaru carefully.

"Him," answered the blond firmly. "I want _him_ but he won't have me! And I'm. A. Wreck!"

"Good God! You're not going to cry for him, are you?" asked Kiba with his extremely 'good' timing. Choji and Shikamaru both had given him their death glare but it was Naruto's reaction that finally stopped the spiky haired Jounin to have another go.

"It's none of your fucking business, Kiba! And if I want I could spend a year to crying for him, you hear me? A YEAR! AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN OF WHAT YOU THINK OF ME!"

"N-naruto… I'm… uh I'm sorry… but I just want to help you…"

"Not this way, Kiba. Not like this."

The Inuzuka nodded and keeps his silence.

"Naruto, you know I never liked Uchiha, but if you want him then don't give up."

"Thanks, Shikamaru, but really… there's nothing left to say between us."

"Are you sure? I can help, we can help… Right, Kiba?"

Again, the Inuzuka nodded. Reluctantly though.

"I've been thinking, and I know there's only one option left for me… I'm just too stubborn to admit it. But I realized that I can't keep forcing myself on him," explained Naruto bitterly, "I mean… I have my pride too, right?"

"That's what I meant all along, Naruto! Well, in my harsh and slightly annoying style!"

"Slightly?"

"Well… very! Whatever…" retorted the hunting-ninja.

The four best friends laughed so hard till tears filled their eyes.

"I'm going to ask permission to leave the village from Tsunade Baachan as soon as possible. God knows I need a vacation, at least for a week."

"Yeah, you do that. Go to Sand, and Gaara will entertain you."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and shook his head, "He just never gives up!"

"Where are you going?" asked Choji.

"Going to a place where I can end all this."

"Huh?" asked Kiba and Choji at the same time, but Shikamaru seemed to get Naruto's meaning and gave him a little nod.

"I wish you luck."

"Thank you, Shikamaru. I will end this in the place where all this started," answer Naruto firmly, "I need a closure."

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta-ed, so sorry for any mistakes.

"It better be good, brat!" yelled Godaime Hokage-sama as she ripped her front door and showing her scariest face to the blond jounin in front of her. It failed terribly of course. Because after all that they've been though, Naruto knew that the old lady had a soft spot for him.

"I need to leave Konoha as soon as possible and I need your consent."

"Get in and close the door."

"No time for that. I need to leave now."

Just like any other Hokage in urgent situation, Tsunade worked fast. She sent her bodyguard to get her a mission form and Hokage seal. "How high is the threat? Have you formed your team? How many subordinate you need?"

"What threat? What team?"

"For the mission."

"What mission? I just want to ask for your permission to leave the village."

"What?"

"I need personal time."

_"What?"_

"Hey, I never take one! And you offered… no, you _urge_ me to take a leave… so now I would like to accept your offer..."

"WHAT?"

"…please?"

Veins started popping out in her temple and she tried very hard to control her anger. 

"Are you telling me that you just drag me out of my bed in the middle of the night for _this_?"

The hissing sound was way more terrifying than the yelling. Naruto unconsciously swallowed his spit and let out an awfully small voice, "Yes?"

"And this need of personal time can't wait until morning? _Hmmm_?"

The blonde lady might have a soft spot for Naruto, but that does not mean she couldn't turn into his worst nightmare.

"Baa-chan…"

Tsunade growled and it horrifying.

_Yikes! Strike one!_

"Did I ever bother you without any good reason? Even from the very first time we met. One of the reasons I helped ero-sennin to assure you to become the next Hokage is because Konoha in dire need, otherwise I would never dream to separate you from your sake and gambling. Though I'm sure I do you a favor, considering how bad your luck then."

More veins popped out. "YOU-"

"Hokage-sama, I really need this… please."

'Hokage-sama' was the one that did it. For almost 6 years she served as the Hokage of the Fire Country, the brat never once called her that. This problem, whatever it was, certainly not a petty matter.

"Give this to the guard at the main gate. Take as much time as you need."

"Thank you… Baa-chan."

Tsunade watched at the orange clad ninja's departure with a smile on her lips, "Brat!"

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

A pair of black eyes starring hard at the second-floor apartment window, waiting…

His rigid body didn't even budge from his hiding place, waiting…

It could be a second, a minute, an hour, a night…He had lost track of time, waiting…

xxxxxxxxxxx

Running…

Running to reach the end…

Running…

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Oh, I don't believe it!" barked Inuzuka Kiba, "He got nerve… I give him that!"

"Easy there, buddy," said Shikamaru calmly, someone really needs to restraint the emotional hunter ninja.

"Speak for yourself, Nara! He deserved it!"

"I know, but anger won't solve any problem."

"Who says anything about solving problem?" challenged Kiba as he walked toward the figure in white. "Certainly not me."

Shikamaru swore under his breath, Kiba can be so unreasonable sometimes. Fortunately, someone came to help.

Aburame Shino caught his boyfriend's arm and softly called, "Kiba…"

"Shino, you know I need to do this. Naruto is my best friend and he hurt him to pieces… So please… I really need you to stay out of it."

Without saying a word, Shino released his grip and let Kiba walking toward Sasuke while Shikamaru stay alert just a few steps behind him, ready to use Kagemane if situation get out of control.

"What do you want, bastard?"

"You know what I want, dog-breath. Where is he?"

UGH!

Kiba's punch struck Sasuke's right cheek hard and made him fall on one knee. But it didn't take him long to stand back on both of his feet again. The Uchiha touched his slightly swollen cheek and smirked. "Guess I deserved that."

"You deserved so much worse than that."

"Bring it on, Inuzuka, your punches do not scare me. But, I still want to know where I can find him."

"Why? So you can hurt him some more?"

"It's none of your business."

"Like hell it's not!" screamed Kiba, " _Who_ do you think pick up the pieces after you've done your deed, your heartless piece of shit?"

"You mean just like when you kissed him the other day?" Sasuke hissed back, "That is _how_ you pick up the pieces?"

"OH MY GOD! I don't believe it! You… YOU are too much, Uchiha! So what if I kissed him? He's a fair game at that time… you _dumped_ him, remember!?"

Sasuke flinched, just a little but a flinch nonetheless. Truth hurts like a bitch.

"Kiba!" Shikamaru called out of the blue.

"Stay out of it, Shika!"

"You need to listen."

"God, why can't you just leav-"

"If you still want to have a boyfriend you better listen to me, Inuzuka!"

"Huh?"

"Shino just left."

"B-but why?" hollered Kiba who finally turn around to face the pineapple head shaped jounin.

"You really kissed Naruto?" asked the shadow manipulator.

Kiba slapped his forehead hard before yelled some more, "Fuck! B-b-but… it was… it was… FUCK! Now, you've done it, Uchiha!"

"Just go, Kiba. Find him and then talk to him, let me handle Uchiha here."

"Right… right… This is not over yet, teme!" yelled the spike haired ninja for the last time before he left in a hurry.

"Are you going to make it difficult for me too, Nara?"

"I never like you, Uchiha," answered Shikamaru calmly, "I think you're just a coward but I care about Naruto and I want him to be happy."

"Where is he?"

"He said he needs a closure and he will end it in a place where all this started."

"You can't just make it simple for me, can you?"

"That's what he said. If you don't get it, then maybe you really need to think whether the two of you really are meant to be together."

After saying what needed to be said, Shikamaru walked away.

"Hey Nara…"

"What?"

"We are."

"Then you need to find him first, right?"

**TBC**


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-ed, sorry for any mistakes.

AN: This is the end. There's a little epilogue but that's it. I really hope you like and enjoy my story. Thank you. 

He was here...

He was finally here, even though he spent almost four and a half days for a journey that usually only took two days. 

But it was a very emotional journey for him, and Naruto... let just say... opened the door to his heart wide open. He was defenseless. 

The jounin let all the emotions hit him from all sides, and it hurts. Sometimes, when it got too much, Naruto just stop running, and bravely faced the feeling even more before continued on his journey the next day.

Naruto knew that it was not going to be easy; he fully aware this thing that he was trying to do... it would probably ruined him, drained him... broken him, but he needed a closure. He would take all the pain now, and then, when he survived all this, moved on with his life. 

And he was finally here… The Valley of the End.

_Hah! What an appropriate name…_

Naruto didn't even know whether he had to laugh or cry for the irony. Maybe he could just do both. He was pretty sure it can be done.

Without warning Naruto dropped to the ground, trying to catch his breath. It felt like his feet and the muscles of his whole body conspired against him, forcing him to stop moving.

Again Naruto couldn't make up his mind.

_Cry or laugh, you dobe?_

He didn't know… should just do both… yeah just do… both…

Naruto forced his body to move closer to the edge of the valley. His muscle screamed in agony but hey, he was the great Uzumaki Naruto, the Hokage-to-be… this obstacle… was nothing.

Just a little bit more…

"Yo~sh! I did it… did it!" screamed Naruto as he thrust his right fist into the air and laugh maniacally.

Once again the jounin forced his body to move and then sitting on the edge of the cliff with both of his legs dangling over the river below. He then took a deep breath and opened his eyes…

_Oh!_

The beauty in front of him took his breath away. He had forgotten how stunning this place was.

Again, the irony struck him. How beautiful this place was… how… how _brutal_ the fights that took place in this very spot were… including his and… Sasuke's

A familiar pain pierced his heart and Naruto again embraced the old friend.

For the last time… and then… no more…

Naruto slowly opened the pouch that attached on his right thigh and taking out the object that has become his most precious thing. The blue color on that piece of cloth was not as vivid as 5 years ago, but the metal plate that was engraved with the symbol of Konoha still as shiny. The blond has taken a good care of it.

The tears began to emerge in the brim of his eyes as one of his fingertip slowly followed the engraving of the Konoha symbol on the old hitai-ate, including the vicious slash across the symbol that was put there by his own hand. Sasuke had left his hitai-ate for him as a sign. Sign that their friendship had ended, sign that he should just give him up, though Naruto never heed those silent request.

_Time flies so fast. Five years of struggling… is it really the end?_

It was all began here. This place has changed him, forced him to grow up and ended his innocence.

He left Fire Country as a part of Shikamaru's team, in that said man first mission as a chuunin, with a promise to his most important people at that time, Sakura. Three days filled with madness as one by one his teammate stay behind to face a deadly enemy so he can keep going and going…

No… not just this place… this place and that fight…

When Sasuke ripped his heart out, he never fully healed. Physically maybe, but that day he had lost his heart. On the way home on the back of Kakashi sensei, his world had shifted. Sasuke had become the centre of his world… had become number one for him and HE… was _trapped_ ever since.

Despite the pain and heartache, last year was the happiest days of his life. Since that first… _no_ … their second kiss… They had claimed each other first kiss when they still in the Ninja Academy. It was accidental alright… but still counted.

Naruto chuckled at the memory but his eyes blurred by the tears that keep falling.

_See? It can be done._

As he got on his feet, the blond shinobi took a deep breath one more time. He rubbed the hitai-ate lovingly with his thumb for the last time and then give it a kiss.

Now it's time… let's end it once and for all…

"Goodbye, Sasuke…" whispered Naruto and then throw the hitai-ate to the river below.

It was happened so fast… one moment he watched his most precious thing falling down and next he saw a figure dressed in white captures the said object just second before it touching the water.

"Are you really going to throw us away like you throw this hitai-ate?" asked the voice from his back. He didn't even know how the man manage to move that fast.

"Us? There's _us_ now?" snorted Naruto. "Since when?"

"Naruto, I…"

The clad orange ninja really wanted to turn around. He never was a coward before. But he really didn't know whether his determination to end it all was still as strong as ever when he saw his… practically his everything stand before him. And it scared him.

"Just say your piece."

"Can you turn around?"

Trying his best to act indifferently, Naruto turned around to face Sasuke. "What do you want?"

Naruto could see clearly how Sasuke pleading with his eyes, but he refused to give him an inch this time. He had succumbed to this man too many times. If he wanted something from him, then he better fought for it.

The Uchiha prodigy tried to open his mouth but nothing came out, it looks like there's something stuck in his throat, whilst his hands non stop twisting the hitai-ate.

"Just forget it," said Naruto firmly then starting to walk away.

"Wait!" yelled Sasuke.

The blond stopped on his track.

"I-I want to live…"

No respond from the jounin, but he stayed on.

"What I'm doing now, ever since I came back to Konoha, is not living," confessed Sasuke, "I let myself drowned in guilt… I drove everybody away from me and I… I _hurt_ … you."

"Rest assured Uchiha, everything already forgiven," said Naruto. "Let's just get on with our life, shall we? Exactly like you want." 

"What I want is to live, Naruto... not a sham like I did for the last 2 years. But live... for real now."

"Good for you, then."

"With you."

The two last words really surprised Naruto and he stunned. The table have turned now, this time it was Naruto who speechless.

"It would be nice if you said something."

"Like what?"

"Like you will give me another chance," answered Sasuke, "…that you will help me... teach me how to live."

Again the pleading eyes and Naruto never really had a solid defense when it comes to Sasuke. But can he trust him? 

"I don't..."

"Please dobe... one last chance. That's all I ask."

_He looks so sincere, but..._

"I will beg if that's what you want... I'll-"

"Oke stop, now you scare me." Naruto held his head up and look straight into Sasuke's eyes. "You're not a type person who lower himself in front of other people, and I don't want you to."

"Then you should know how desperate I am."

The blond for the second time stunned. This person that stand in front of him right now, is it really Sasuke? Can he trust him? Should he... 

"Okay."

" _Okay?_ " asked the black haired shinobi, look a bit shocked. "Are you sure?" 

Naruto chuckled. "Yes."

"You know it's not going to be easy, right?"

"Yes, I'm aware of that."

"I will drive you crazy most of the time."

"I know."

"I will brooding and make you sad and-"

"Sasuke!" cut Naruto, "I _know_ … but that's who you are, teme and I wouldn't change it for the world. Okay?"

"Okay."

Sasuke smiled and Naruto dazzled. His lover never really smile before... he smirked.

"Now what do you say if we take advantage of this place?"

One of his arc-shaped brow lifted upward before the raven asked subtly, "What do you have in mind?"

Naruto of course didn't miss the flirty undertone, "What do YOU have in mind?"

"What?" denied Sasuke, but the lusty black eyes said it all.

_Pervert!_

The blond decided not to call Sasuke on it just yet, there was plenty of time for that afterwards.

"This thing between us began with a fight… so let's have another one in this place."

The flirty mode gradually shifted into the fight mode. The Uchiha patent smirk was back in place.

"I beat you at that time, usuratonkachi…"

Naruto smirked back... hey, he had learned how to do it properly from the master himself.

"I will beat you this time, teme…"

"Bring it on…"

**END**


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimpses of the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-ed.

"Stop right there, teme!"

Sasuke stopped on his track, both of his hands clenched into fists. He heard faint steps from his back as his lover walked closer toward him. Slowly he felt a pair of arms embracing him from behind.

His body involuntarily started to get rigid. He didn't want to be so tense… really he didn't… He just… sometimes he just couldn't help it…

"Shhh… easy there, baby..." whispered Naruto as he slowly trailed kisses on the back of his neck, "Now breathe…"

Sasuke closed his eyes and let out the breath that he'd been holding in.

"Just like that… Now take a deep breath in… and out…"

Breathe in… Out…

Breathe in… Out…

Breathe in… Out…

The Uchiha starting to get relax, he leisurely let his back leaning on Uzumaki's chest.

The jounin smiled and again softly kissed the side of his boyfriend's neck. "Are you ready to tell me what's going on?"

"It's nothing, just the same old shit. I'd bored you."

Naruto once again smiled and kissed the long neck some more. "Another dream?"

"Hn."

"You need to lash out?" asked the blonde, "We can talk… we can spar… or we can always do this."

'This' was sensually brushing his groin to the perfect backside in front of him.

Sasuke chuckled. "Pervert."

The blue eyed shinobi turned his lover around so now they were face to face. "It's not so bad, right?"

"Hn."

"I swear someday you're going to be the death of me."

"I've warned you."

"And I'm still here, right?"

**xxxxxxxx**

"Oh Sasuke, that feels so good… more… more…"

"Say it… Naroto, _say_ it…"

"Wha- nhhh... aaaah…"

"Let…me…hear it."

"Sasuke… Sasuke…"

"Naruto!"

"Love... You… I Love you!"

**xxxxxxxx**

"Naruto, relax... Give it time," said Kakashi, eye stuck on the pages of Icha-Icha Paradise.

"Yeah, he just needs some space," added Shiranui Genma, senbon firmly in placed.

"It's been a week and there's no news... I feel like we're back on those horrible horrible times."

"Now you're being melodramatic," stated the copy-ninja as he closed his porn and put it away. "I'm sure whatever it is that he's doing right now extremely important, otherwise he won't put you through a misery like this."

"He speaks from experience, Uzumaki… You better listen."

"Been there, done that, Shiranui?" asked Naruto.

"His record is 6 weeks."

"Whoa!"

"Yup. The longest days of my life."

"Must be sucks."

"You tell me."

"I'm still here, you guys," cut the sharingan user. Genma and Naruto just grinned at each other, one hundred percent guilt-free.

"Okay, answer me this... Anything happened before he's gone?"

"Good point, Kakashi… A fight maybe?"

"Nope, in fact that night we had-" the blond jounin abruptly stopped his speech, faint tint of red colored his cheeks.

"Yes...? You had... what?"

"You don't want to know."

"Of course I-We do... Right, Genma?"

The said man just shrugged, clearly caught something that his boyfriend still clueless about.

"No... really, sensei...just let it go, okay?"

"You clearly hiding something for me," accused Kakashi, refused to give an inch, "Just tell me the truth."

"We had sex, okay!" shouted the blond.

"Oh!"

"Yeah... oh!" mocked the former student before continuing, "The most amazing sex if I may add."

"Good God! TMI!" screamed Kakashi.

Genma guffawed like crazy behind his boyfriend. "You asked for it, babe!"

"Something unusual happened though," said Naruto. "He... Well, he never really comfortable with me saying it... But that night he asked me to say it!"

"What are you trying to say? That's so confusing... Why can't anything be just as simple as Icha-Icha?"

"He asked you to say what, Naruto?" the tokujou ignored his boyfriend comment and focused on the said man former student.

"The L word."

"Aaah... During?"

"Yes, during sex."

"Can we drop the sex talk already!" hollered the silver haired man.

"Too much for you to handle, hmm?

"Let's see how you act when your former student talk about their sex life!"

"That's one of the reasons why I choose to become an examiner jounin, no student for me." Genma grinned.

"Argh, I can't listen to this. I'm out of here."

"Said the man who reads porn every day!"

Genma laughed and gave his boyfriend a little wave before turned his focus once again to the younger man in front of him. "Don't worry too much, Uzumaki, he'll come around."

"You really think so?"

"Yes. It gets better, right? He even asked you to say you love him."

"Still counted even if it is during... you know?"

"The sex is different, isn't it?"

"Well yeah... More in every way."

"Then he'll come around," assured the honey haired ninja. "Beside where else would he end up if it isn't here with you?"

"I…"

"Have faith, Naruto. He tried to leave you when your relationship at its worst and he failed. Now when things are so much better, he wants to leave? That would be stupid, don't you think?"

"Sasuke's not stupid."

Shiranui Genma expertly moved his senbon from the left side to the right side of his mouth. "Exactly."

**xxxxxxxx**

"Uchiha's back."

"Where is he, Pak-kun?"

"At the main gate."

"Thanks!"

POOF!

"You're back."

"Hn."

"I hope you found whatever it is that you're looking for, Sasuke."

"The guilt wouldn't have completely gone, but after this hopefully things would get easier."

"For both of you?"

"Yes."

**xxxxxxxx**

"Where have you been?"

"Oto."

Blue eyes were as big as saucers. "Oto? What for?"

"To make peace with my self."

"Did you?

"It's a process."

"Mind to share it with me?"

"Of course I don't mind."

"Come here then," asked Naruto, "Have a seat… you must be tired."

The black haired shinobi did as he asked.

"I went to the lair, what was left of it…" Sasuke started his tale, "I… I was looking for her."

The blonde grabbed his lover hand and hold it tight.

"I found her in the exact place where I left her… there were not much left," croaked the chuunin, "I took her out of the lair and buried her."

The jounin held Sasuke's hand even tighter.

"I found other skeleton... I also buried them before I set the lair on fire."

The kyuubi bearer lifted his free hand and put it on his partner cheek. "Are you okay?"

"Feel much better now that I'm home."

"Me too."

Sasuke winced a little. "I know that I made you worried… but I really need to do this."

"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Uzumaki, "I would help."

"I know you would but I won't allow it."

Blue eyes opened wide, full of question.

"I don't want my horrid past touch my future… not one bit."

Naruto gasped. He realized that his boyfriend was not a man who has way with words, but sometimes he would say the most perfect things.

"Naruto?"

"Yes?"

_I love you… say it…. Just say it!_

"Nothing."

_Soon, baby… soon…_

**END**


End file.
